Lost in Translation

I have been trying to learn Swedish now properly for nearly a year and feel like I am getting nowhere. OK so I can follow some of the Swedish subtitles on TV and if I know the topic of a conversation I can vaguely follow but mainly I just paste on a happy face and pretend to go along when in reality I am lost and confused and desperate for a conversation.

The longer I am here the more people expect me to under and the more I expect of myself also. I get embarrassed asking for things to be translated all the time as I know how frustrating it is for the other people and I know I should do better and know more by now. I feel bad asking S to talk Swedish to me all the time as if she does she would have to explain everything twice to me which I can understand would be more than slightly annoying and I know she feels uncomfortable doing it.

Not knowing the language or being able to understand what people say turns the simplest thing into an ordeal for me, even taking the puppy out for a pee on my own causes palpitations in case someone speaks to me. It isn't as if people would mind and it isn't as if most people here don't speak English but I feel my pride takes a beating every time I have to look lost or confused or say I don't understand. For example, I went into the post office the other day to send some Easter eggs to family back in the UK - a mundane simple task for anyone one would think. I worried about having to do it all day and nearly bottled out at the last second but not wanting to seem weak and put S out again I plucked up the courage and went inside on my own. I asked in Swedish if the person behind the counter spoke English, a phrase I have been practicing in my head for over 2 years now and all I got was a blank expression and her not understanding me....confidence plummets. So I ask in English if she speaks English which of course she does, fluently but once again I am left standing there feeling like a freak. When people here find out you can't speak Swedish they are very nice and speak English very well but it doesn't stop the feeling of hopelessness. Lol, hell I am even scared in case kids want to talk about the puppy, who the hell is scared of a 4 year old wanting to pet a puppy?!!

I have enrolled in online courses, get sent 10 new words every day to learn, have a dictionary that I use when I don't recognise words on the subtitles but still I seem stunted at "hej". I can ask a lot of things and say a fair amount when just talking to S but the idea of saying those things to other people petrifies me. I know that her family do not expect me to speak in Swedish and have been told by her brother's girlfriend (When she was drunk) that it sounds very odd if she does catch me saying anything in Swedish but still sometimes I think they forget I do not understand what is being said around me. It isn't there fault and I am not criticising them in any way as they are really good about trying to English around me but in fairness to them they cannot be expected to do it all the time. Also the paranoid monster can come out in me sometimes when there is a lot of Swedish being spoken as I feel there might be things being said I should hear or about me, lol, I know her grandma has expressed concerns about my health in front of me in Swedish - bless her to not make feel uncomfortable for asking but I would rather have known about the concern!

I guess all I can do for now is keep on it and keep trying but when your best efforts aren't understood it really does dent your ego and your confidence to try again. I just need to be more persistent with trying to practice and one day I will get there. Languages though have never been my forte...typical huh!!